Tuesday, July 14, 2009

It is better to not know and hope, than to know and mope

This past weekend we took P to a picnic held by a local adoption support group. We had gone to two other events but still hadn't really made any connections with other families and wanted to keep trying. The day sounded like it would be a blast, it was being held at a local beach and included a cookout and sandcastle building contest. Unfortunately the weather was terrible. The sky opened up as we were driving out there, and it continued to pour most of the afternoon. When the rain finally stopped, the wind picked up and we all sat shivering under the shelter. Eventually we braved the elements long enough to take P down to the beach. He enjoyed digging in the wet sand and building sandcastles. (Hey, at least the rain was good for creating excellent packing sand!) We did manage to meet a few other families and share some nice conversation, but sadly no numbers were exchanged and the next event may be months away. I spoke to a woman whose daughter is a year younger than P and we talked about our experiences and how ridiculous the wait times have become. I did not have any recent information from our agency and told her we were hoping for a referral this summer.
Back at home I emailed our agency and asked for an update. Today I received sad news. Because no children were released for adoption in the early part of '09, there will be no referrals in July or August. (The children are required to wait five months for domestic placement before becoming eligible for international placement). My heart is breaking right now. I had really hoped we would hear in the next few months and could start planning for our son/daughter. I have been upgrading P's room with new furniture (new to him at least - it's all refurbished) in order to shift his toddler things into the baby's room. CJ said it was too early to be getting ready, but I needed to feel like we were moving forward. It feels like we have been waiting forever already and now we are faced with three+ more months, not even counting the wait for him/her to come home. (the social worker said the wait time from referral to homecoming is also increasing, putting us in Spring '10 at the earliest) I know that in the end we will add another child to our family and he/she will be the one who was meant to be with us, but that doesn't make this news any easier to swallow.

1 comment:

Jess said...

I'm so sorry, Sandi. Our wait for Emma dragged on and on, and I'll never forget the agony of it. I needed to buy her new dresses and decorate her room, even if referral was still months away. I think I needed something tangible to convince me that she really was coming home. I'm sending lots of hugs your way!